I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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