My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
