i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
