Cold hands, warm shart.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
