I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
