Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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