It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
