"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
