I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
