So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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