dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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