I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
