Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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