I accidentally had phone sex last night
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
