You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
