I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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