I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
