Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
