She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
