When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
