my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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