I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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