omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
