i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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