So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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