The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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