Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
