I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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