so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My breasts were aching with rage.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
