FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
