i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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