It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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