I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize