Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
