You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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