Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
