I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
