I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
