WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
