My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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