He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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