this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
