She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
