I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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