end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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