how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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