He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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