She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
