Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
