I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
