Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
