i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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