i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
