About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We are all done wearing pants today
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
