So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
