I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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