Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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