His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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