I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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