I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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