I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
