??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Randomize
