You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
