i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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