He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
