Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
420 ftw
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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