how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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