I got chris browned last night
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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