sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The uberlube is also flammable
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
