So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
