He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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