shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
