so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Someone came in the potted fern
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
