I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
