I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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