bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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