Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.

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(626): View more from California

Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.

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(818): View more from California

ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.

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(410): View more from Maryland

well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.

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(573): View more from Missouri

I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."

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(541): View more from Oregon

I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.

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(440): View more from Ohio

no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night

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(802): View more from Vermont

I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters

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(713): View more from Texas

THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Legitimately*

(713): View more from Texas

Go fuck yourself

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