Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
