I puked a lego.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
