Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They took my balls.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
