last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
