I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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