went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
