i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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