No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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