i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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