Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
