By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
