Duck Duck Cougar?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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